The Transition
germel boado
TRANSITION is defined as: (noun) the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.
In this blog post, we spoke with a few couples about the transitions into the married life. Whether they have been "noticeably" big changes or "beneath the surface" small ones, a shift occurs when moving from one lifestyle to the next.
This is also a great opportunity to officially introduce myself! Hi, I'm Rosey. At the end of each post, you'll notice the words "this post was done in collaboration with Rosey Gonzales." I've been working with G-wrex for the past few months, crafting away at these blog posts. We share ideas and set off to bring you the sources and information that we find most applicable to anything wedding related. You can also consider me the "voice" behind these blog posts. A major portion of the sound, look and feel of the posts is through my contributions. However, we work as a team to bring you the best of what we got.
Along with this introduction, I've added my thoughts to the current post! Hope you enjoy.
Read all the responses below. Please feel to comment or ask a question, do you have something you'd like to say about the transitions into the married life?
Finally, we hope you all have a great and blessed Thanksgiving!
LYNDA & Vu
How long have you've been married?
Almost 5 months (since July 3, 2014).
What were some of the difficulties transitioning into married life?
To be honest, nothing really. Thus far, everything has been pretty smooth. That possibly might be due to the fact that we lived together before getting married. Additionally, we happen to have the same last name so there weren't any issues with that either! :)
How have you as a couple, overcome those difficulties?
N/A (Although, I will say that traveling together whether it be short or long trips, domestically or internationally, really tests a couple's compatibility. Also, living together (or at least spending a great deal of time staying over at each other's places) helps you see what you're really getting yourself into as well.)
What have been some of the pleasant surprises, once getting into married life?
After our wedding day, knowing that we don't have to wonder "where our relationship is going" or "what's going to happen next" was a very nice feeling. Oh, and being able to carpool to work is really nice too!
What kind of advice you wish you had when you were getting married?
We attended our share of weddings, therefore we had a good idea of what we would want to do and not do. Also, we were one of the "last couples" to get married in our group of friends, so we had some great advice. One of the most common things our friends mentioned was that they wished they could have been guests at their own wedding and had more time to enjoy "the moment" and "the day" because it goes by SUPER fast. Therefore, we did our best to make a point of doing that on our wedding day and even if there were any hiccups, knowing that we were there with our closest family and friends who came out to celebrate with us was all that really mattered.
WENDY & ShaNE
How long have you've been married?
We've been married for 4 years now (married in Oct 2010).
What were some of the difficulties transitioning into married life?
Overall, the transition has been smooth and relatively easy for us. I guess the biggest challenge was learning to compromise and picking your battles with your spouse. Sometimes you bicker over the small things only to realize subsequently that it's not worth it.
How have you as a couple, overcome those difficulties?
In order to overcome the verbal fights (big or small), we have learned to force ourselves to sit down, talk it through and let go of one's ego and apologize (which can be the most difficult thing to do).
What have been some of the pleasant surprises, once getting into married life?
It's the comfort of knowing that you will always have a partner who will support, love and take care of you no matter what. That is the most priceless gift of marriage.
What kind of advice you wish you had when you were getting married?
I wish someone had advised us to never go to bed mad at each other. This golden rule would save any couple a lot of unnecessary negative emotions i.e. stress and bitterness. It's important to focus on the big picture and realize it's not worth fighting over. Adhering to this rule will alleviate a lot of stress and foster a healthier and more harmonious relationship, especially since it requires you to open up, listen and communicate with your spouse.
KIM & DONOVAN
How long have you been married?
2 months
What were some of the difficulties transitioning into married life?
D: Accepting that I will need to be the cleaner person and wash dishes forever. Also when I put my foot in my mouth I might need to pay for that statement for the next 30-50 years!!!
K: We had been living together already but I had no idea that so many new rules would come up. I also had a difficult time calling Donovan my "husband."
How have you as a couple, overcome those difficulties?
D: I've accepted my fate as the dish washer. These dishes ain't gonna wash themselves.
K: I've tried to comply to the rules better, because I know it would make him happy.
What have been some of the pleasant surprises, once getting into married life?
We make decisions more as a team and have started planning for the future. Finances have become transparent and we are getting better at merging our lives into one. We've started to make more decisions with the two of us as our priority, since we are now our own (small) family. In an Asian family that's difficult because there are lots of customs but we've realized that we need to make each other the priority. With wedding planning over we are focusing on the next goal, which is saving up to buy a house, and starting our own business. Also, it's been awesome to be able to strategize our careers as a team. Kim has a steady job that she loves and Donovan is an engineer, so this lets him take risks while she holds down the fort. It's a cool setup.
What kind of advice you wish you had when you were getting married?
Some good advice we got was to have fun at the wedding and not sweat the small stuff. It was definitely a blast (and we had the best DJ on the planet to help with that!!!). We really wish we had taken PTO the week leading up to the wedding. We had a lot of people come in from out of town and we didn't have a chance to hang out with them because we were working in the day time and doing last-minute wedding stuff at night. We didn't want to take PTO because the wedding was going to cost so much money but in the end, it really wouldn't have mattered. Overall we had a blast and just let it flow. We had so much fun and we couldn't stop talking about the wedding for a week, all the way until the end of our honeymoon in the Dominican Republic.
Rosey & Robert
How long have you been married?
We've been married for 8 years
What were some of the difficulties transitioning into married life?
The one thing that comes to mind, was the merging of our entire families. Come holiday season, it can be a challenge seeing everyone. Our families are spread out into there own little units, so getting them under one house requires a whole lot of planning and patience.
How have you as a couple, overcome those difficulties?
There is a little bit of assertion and flexibility required in it. Although Robert and I tend to be pretty flexible, I know I can lay my foot a little heavy when I think things should go one way. Relinquishing the need to make time for everyone in one day and being open to an alternative has been helpful. Working as a team to see what benefits us as a whole, has been valuable in overcoming anything actually.
What have been some of the pleasant surprises, once getting into married life?
This may sounds strange, but for me, not completely knowing Robert has been a pleasant surprise. There is still lots to learn from each other. I guess you sort of get that when you are dating, but I feel something happens to a person when you make a huge commitment, such as marriage. You get to see what each person is made of, especially when it comes to the long run. Sometimes it can be pretty intense, but admittedly it's incredible having someone along side you, that (for the most part) gets you and supports you. In addition, there is a lot of fun to be had!
What kind of advice did you wish you had when you were getting married?
Get right with yourself. Handle as much of your own personal baggage before getting married. Whether it be ironing out internal/personal issues or exterior things (like) financial debt, it's always good to have less baggage going in. Another thing is to keep it fresh, find ways to keep it exciting. Listen to each other and quit trying to push your own personal agenda, without really hearing where the other person is coming from. Being married is about being in that partnership and if you aren't working together, it will breed all kinds of resentment. Communication, support and forgiveness go a long way - plus date nights!
This post was done in collaboration with Rosey Gonzales